Friday, April 22, 2016

Heartburnout

A need
A heart
A hole
To start
Burned
In the chest
Singed with the rest
Desire consumes
Flames burst in plumes
Ash burnt to ash
My love turned to flame
Yearns as it hurts
To take up a new pain
To find one to be with
For having and holding
(And having
and smoldering)
I hold on to my lonesome
Own soul and its loathing
Its pressure imploding
Desperate imposing
Sick from controlling
Suppressing my nature
Spurning and churning
And writhing, aloning
Feels like atoning
Self-flagellating
Whip that I'm holding
Trapped by the anxious
Heart that desires
First for itself
But for no mental health
Holds back from expression
Like invisible teeth
Biting tongue from the question:
Are you one to be with:
Someone to love,
Full Eros to bare you,
Or yet another
Missed by love's arrow?
Plenty platonic,
Search made too narrow
Do I look in wrong places
Or approach incorrectly
Is it my fate to remain
Malcontently
Aloof and alone
A life on my own
With attractive companions
I wish would be champions
Direct with a line
To my vena amoris
Which has no connection
But breeds an infection
Of bitter disease
Sowing unease
In how I relate
To the world around me,
Reacting still badly
To love that surrounds me
That I see as granted
Stuck in persepctive
That keeps me entrapped
In the wires
Wound around me
Set by myself
Me my own enemy
No other
But he—
Lost—
Who/Woe
Is me.

Stuck as I am
Wounded so deeply
For want of help,
Want of love
No Invictus am I,
My heart just burns out
And through me;
The cavity exposed
Nothing left
But a hole.

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