Friday, April 11, 2008

Mater Nyx

born of darkness--
unborn,
but enwombed in void
in vitro,
empty but for tiny cells,
zygote
speck of sentience,
drop of light
in world of dark,
dot of an island
in eternal ocean of naught

o mother nyx!
mistress darkness!
my nihilist mother of nature!

take me back,
take me back in,
take me nowhere.
unmake me gently,
not cruel like other
mother nature.

slip it in easy
embrace as I slip away,
show me thy mercy,

I want it mercy:
so I name it,
but love that speck
in time and space,
need now's island shore,
need it far too far
to let thee take it;
need me more than thee,
methinks.

the price
of indecision:
constant struggle.

still
want to be with thee,
but to join must be unmade,
to touch must not see;
to be is not to be
with thee:
null void the only way
not straight narrow,
but broad dark winding,
brought there evry way
beneath each day,

the universe void
except a dot
of consciousness,
layer of light
atop endless depths,
descending ever
darker, deeper.

o night!
teach me fear,
to hate the light,
show me to be
unafraid,
that eternal slumber
in night's velvet
is bliss,

unshow me
that thou art in me
and I in thee,
tho cannot see,
feel thy touch
under awareness
through endless eons
separating us
from thee.

I beg thee--
show me the truth
of thy dark whisperings,
the gentle warmth
of the harsh cold void
show me thy
vast unoccupied
totality,

unfillable,
despite ego's try.
allow me down
and in,
deeper,
till the light's
too far to see,

tho undeserving,
unmake love to me,
speck in time and space
tho I may be,
show me,
show me,

o oblivion!
show me nothingness,
show me I am nothing!
show the waste
that is this life,
tell me in murky words
what it means
to cease to be.

blind me!
for all around me
is untrue,
teach me the lie;
how all is fleeting,
how truth lies
in true loneliness,
in utter silence,
educate me
on the falsity
of company.

show the illusion
of my little life,
it's environs,
for what it is:
a cheap backdrop!
to distract
with brightness
and color

from thine
one true black,
in truth a collusion
of random events;
make it all collapse!

deafen me!
with the pounding
sound of
infinite nothing,
tho all I hear
is too loud,
painful in ears,
show me it's nothing
to compare to thee.

let me breathe thee in!
breathe nothing, to die
in suffocation;
I lust for
the pressure
of thy smothering
absence
to take me,
insides out,

stroke me without fingers,
like the airlessness
of vacuum,
until I explode.

so save me
from my narcissism,
break my mind
with your unending
expanse of black!

I surrender
this pittance
of existence
for thine eternal
lack.

pluck from me
each sense,
like embedded arrow,
relieve my
wounded mind
of its burdens,
and finally
of its function;
take my faith,
cast it away,
replace it with
thine emptiness.

then left forlorn,
blind in bliss,
happiness
shall I find
in blackness.


(disclaimer: I'm aware that 'nyx' is Greek and 'mater' Latin. I've mixed them anyway: nyx sounds better than nox.)

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